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Psst! Wanna read a synopsis?
So, I wrote a synopsis for ...And the Kitchen Sink. And it was awful (and too long). So I reread the entire book (again), taking notes as I went, then went through the notes and slaughtered anything I thought I could possibly get away without including. And then I wrote another synopsis.
It's better. And it's shorter, by about half. Is it better enough? This is where you, lovely journal reader, come in. I could really use some feedback on this one, folks. Does it hang together, does it sound like the book it's based on follows a logical progression to a satisfying conclusion, is there anything that sticks out and makes you go wait, where the heck did that come from?
Spoilers, obviously.
SYNOPSIS: ...AND THE KITCHEN SINK
It was a perfectly ordinary afternoon tea, until the ninjas crashed in. KEARSLEY COLDWATER's surprise at that is as nothing compared to her surprise when her AUNT MAYVILLE handily defeats the ninjas. Kearsley soon learns that her very proper aunt used to be a spy, and the ninjas were sent by her old nemesis, the mysterious "bat smuggler". The venom of the extremely rare Altarian puff-bat has a wide range of applications, and the bat smuggler is the main supplier for the less legal ones.
Aunt Mayville teams up with her old partner AUBREY DeAUGUSTINE to go after the bat smuggler, and Kearsley inveigles her way onto the mission. They travel to Pyron's Planet, which is as far as Aubrey has been able to trace the ninjas and the bat smuggler's current activities. Through various underworld contacts there, they learn that the bat smuggler has been making promises he hasn't delivered on, and is in deep trouble with both his customers and his associates. In the course of their investigations, they are attacked by a cyborg platypus -- a clever tactic on Pyron's, which is overrun by feral platypodes, but also an indication that someone more sophisticated than the bat smuggler is involved.
They decide to go to the source: Altair. On the way, more attempts are made to stop them; Aubrey is nearly assassinated by a complex device hidden in his food, and a very stable star abruptly goes nova just as their ship passes close to it.
Despite their opponents' best efforts, they arrive in one piece on Altair, a dimly-lit planet with a thick, murky atmosphere and a preponderance of spongy gray moss. They're met by FIREBAUGH, a representative of Altair Security, who makes it clear they're not welcome. Kearsley catches her first glimpse of the normally-rare puff-bat. Everyone is eager to get inside before nightfall.
The next morning, they visit SOHA, a puff-bat venom milker, who reports that the puff-bat population has increased to unprecedented heights but that their production of venom has fallen, and the quality has fallen even more. Soha suggests that the bat smuggler might be at a place called Seven Bluffs. Aubrey and Aunt Mayville plan a trip there, which they say is too dangerous for Kearsley to accompany them on. But before they can go, Aunt Mayville falls gravely ill -- poisoned, they determine, by a probable minion of the bat smuggler. Kearsley must navigate the local underworld under Aubrey's guidance to procure an antidote. By the time Aunt Mayville is recovered enough for the journey, Kearsley is tacitly included in the expedition.
The trip to Seven Bluffs takes several days, and much of their camping equipment involves portable spotlights. Kearsley finally learns why everyone's so uneasy about being outside at night on Altair: when it's pitch dark, one risks being eaten by a grue.
As they travel, they see an extraordinary number of puff-bats. On their second night camping in Altair's murky wilderness, their spotlights fail. In the pitch blackness, they are attacked by grues! Armed only with flashlights, they manage to fend off the invisible, deadly attackers long enough to repair some of the spotlights, which they later determine were sabotaged. Someone definitely doesn't want them to make it to Seven Bluffs.
But they do get there, finding a smuggler's den that's grown into a thriving if larcenous community within the cave system there. Aubrey and Aunt Mayville each set themselves up as persons of interest to the local sub-economy, hoping to draw a contact that will lead them to the bat smugger. Then Aubrey disappears.
Aunt Mayville and Kearsley trace him to the bat smuggler's complex deep within the caves. There they meet HAYSE, a scientist who's been kidnapped by the bat smuggler. Hayse's task is to operate a stolen quantum probability manipulator, which the bat smuggler is using to create more puff-bats. But the device isn't working as hoped; Hayse fears the bat smuggler's retribution and begs Kearsley and Aunt Mayville to rescue him.
They find Aubrey, somewhat the worse for wear, and break him out. While escaping, they encounter Firebaugh again. Their escape is aided by a battle between the bat smuggler's crew and what Firebaugh explains is a rogue faction of Altair Security, which was responsible for the more sophisticated attacks on them, as well as the original theft of the quantum probability device before the bat smuggler stole it from them.
They retrieve Hayse and the quantum device, but are cut off by the bat smuggler and his remaining minions. In the ensuing fight, Kearsley defeats one of the ninjas through a combination of luck, dirty tricks learned from Aubrey, and injudicious use of a high-pressure coolant line. Aunt Mayville finally apprehends the bat smuggler.
The quantum device is restored to its rightful owners, and the puff-bats begin returning to normal. Aubrey offers to recruit Kearsley into the intelligence service under his tutelage, which she eagerly accepts.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Constructive comments welcome.
It's better. And it's shorter, by about half. Is it better enough? This is where you, lovely journal reader, come in. I could really use some feedback on this one, folks. Does it hang together, does it sound like the book it's based on follows a logical progression to a satisfying conclusion, is there anything that sticks out and makes you go wait, where the heck did that come from?
Spoilers, obviously.
SYNOPSIS: ...AND THE KITCHEN SINK
It was a perfectly ordinary afternoon tea, until the ninjas crashed in. KEARSLEY COLDWATER's surprise at that is as nothing compared to her surprise when her AUNT MAYVILLE handily defeats the ninjas. Kearsley soon learns that her very proper aunt used to be a spy, and the ninjas were sent by her old nemesis, the mysterious "bat smuggler". The venom of the extremely rare Altarian puff-bat has a wide range of applications, and the bat smuggler is the main supplier for the less legal ones.
Aunt Mayville teams up with her old partner AUBREY DeAUGUSTINE to go after the bat smuggler, and Kearsley inveigles her way onto the mission. They travel to Pyron's Planet, which is as far as Aubrey has been able to trace the ninjas and the bat smuggler's current activities. Through various underworld contacts there, they learn that the bat smuggler has been making promises he hasn't delivered on, and is in deep trouble with both his customers and his associates. In the course of their investigations, they are attacked by a cyborg platypus -- a clever tactic on Pyron's, which is overrun by feral platypodes, but also an indication that someone more sophisticated than the bat smuggler is involved.
They decide to go to the source: Altair. On the way, more attempts are made to stop them; Aubrey is nearly assassinated by a complex device hidden in his food, and a very stable star abruptly goes nova just as their ship passes close to it.
Despite their opponents' best efforts, they arrive in one piece on Altair, a dimly-lit planet with a thick, murky atmosphere and a preponderance of spongy gray moss. They're met by FIREBAUGH, a representative of Altair Security, who makes it clear they're not welcome. Kearsley catches her first glimpse of the normally-rare puff-bat. Everyone is eager to get inside before nightfall.
The next morning, they visit SOHA, a puff-bat venom milker, who reports that the puff-bat population has increased to unprecedented heights but that their production of venom has fallen, and the quality has fallen even more. Soha suggests that the bat smuggler might be at a place called Seven Bluffs. Aubrey and Aunt Mayville plan a trip there, which they say is too dangerous for Kearsley to accompany them on. But before they can go, Aunt Mayville falls gravely ill -- poisoned, they determine, by a probable minion of the bat smuggler. Kearsley must navigate the local underworld under Aubrey's guidance to procure an antidote. By the time Aunt Mayville is recovered enough for the journey, Kearsley is tacitly included in the expedition.
The trip to Seven Bluffs takes several days, and much of their camping equipment involves portable spotlights. Kearsley finally learns why everyone's so uneasy about being outside at night on Altair: when it's pitch dark, one risks being eaten by a grue.
As they travel, they see an extraordinary number of puff-bats. On their second night camping in Altair's murky wilderness, their spotlights fail. In the pitch blackness, they are attacked by grues! Armed only with flashlights, they manage to fend off the invisible, deadly attackers long enough to repair some of the spotlights, which they later determine were sabotaged. Someone definitely doesn't want them to make it to Seven Bluffs.
But they do get there, finding a smuggler's den that's grown into a thriving if larcenous community within the cave system there. Aubrey and Aunt Mayville each set themselves up as persons of interest to the local sub-economy, hoping to draw a contact that will lead them to the bat smugger. Then Aubrey disappears.
Aunt Mayville and Kearsley trace him to the bat smuggler's complex deep within the caves. There they meet HAYSE, a scientist who's been kidnapped by the bat smuggler. Hayse's task is to operate a stolen quantum probability manipulator, which the bat smuggler is using to create more puff-bats. But the device isn't working as hoped; Hayse fears the bat smuggler's retribution and begs Kearsley and Aunt Mayville to rescue him.
They find Aubrey, somewhat the worse for wear, and break him out. While escaping, they encounter Firebaugh again. Their escape is aided by a battle between the bat smuggler's crew and what Firebaugh explains is a rogue faction of Altair Security, which was responsible for the more sophisticated attacks on them, as well as the original theft of the quantum probability device before the bat smuggler stole it from them.
They retrieve Hayse and the quantum device, but are cut off by the bat smuggler and his remaining minions. In the ensuing fight, Kearsley defeats one of the ninjas through a combination of luck, dirty tricks learned from Aubrey, and injudicious use of a high-pressure coolant line. Aunt Mayville finally apprehends the bat smuggler.
The quantum device is restored to its rightful owners, and the puff-bats begin returning to normal. Aubrey offers to recruit Kearsley into the intelligence service under his tutelage, which she eagerly accepts.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Constructive comments welcome.