Synopsolizing
Saturday, May 12th, 2012 01:18 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lizvogelJudging from the responses, my query is either so brilliant that everyone was struck dumb with awe, or so awful that no one could find the words to express it.
Despite that, I'm going ahead and posting the synopsis. For the uninitiated, a synopsis is like the query-blurb's big brother. It's longer (opinions vary on how much so), more detailed, and does spoil the ending. There are several uses for a synopsis; one of the more common is to show whether an author can sustain a story through to a satisfying ending. (Sample pages, when submitted, are always from the beginning of the book; many writers can make an interesting start, but drop the ball before they get to the end.)
So, with spoiler warnings for an as-yet-unpublished novel, I'd love to hear what you think of this. Does it sound interesting? What's your impression of the characters? Does the plot sound like it holds up all the way to the end? What bits make you say "Cool!" -- or "WTF?" In short, would you read this book?
SYNOPSIS: HIGHWAY OF MIRRORS
Elle Davis used to be an intelligence agent; now she's on the run from her own agency. For the past two years, she and her fourteen-year-old daughter Haley have been scrambling to stay one step ahead of Elle's former boss, Karl Eichmeyer. For all his unrelenting pursuit, Elle's just an inconvenient obstacle in Eichmeyer's view; it's Haley he's really after. Eichmeyer has a plan to create the perfect agent: skilled, focused, and utterly loyal, both to the Department and to Eichmeyer personally. And Haley, as the child of two top agents, is the ideal subject to prove his program a success.
Elle's seen the results of Eichmeyer's "special" training before: promising young agents ruined, burned out... and in at least one case, broken beyond repair. Her conclusion is that his scheme is an abomination, far more brainwashing than training; Eichmeyer's conclusion is that he needs to get hold of his trainees younger -- hence Haley.
After twenty-odd years in the spy trade, Elle knows how to deal with everything from traffic cameras to armed attackers, but Eichmeyer has a weapon that's a lot harder for her to fight; Elle's husband James is also Eichmeyer's right-hand man. Not only is Elle still very much in love with her husband, but after years of field work together, they each know how the other thinks and can predict each other's moves; indeed, that's saved their lives more than once. So working against Eichmeyer means working against James, and forces Elle to constantly second-guess herself. And every move only serves to remind her that she and James are on opposite sides in this, when they've always stood together in the past.
When an informant warns Elle that Eichmeyer's people are closing in, she and Haley hit the road just minutes ahead of pursuit. Despite Elle's best efforts, they're run to ground -- but it's James they come face to face with. He claims he just wants to talk, convinced that they can sort this out if they only work together. Elle knows better; it's not like she didn't try to talk sense to him for months before she resorted to taking off with their daughter. But before they can get enmeshed in all the old arguments all over again, Eichmeyer reveals himself and makes a grab for Haley. Mother and daughter barely escape, tearing out of town with Elle looking over her shoulder every minute.
Elle's skilled at flying under the radar, but it's hard work, and she's been doing it for two years without a break. So maybe it's bad luck when they're spotted again, or maybe she's just tired enough to make mistakes. But this time, it's not Eichmeyer or James who confronts them; it's Scott Dressler, an old friend and fellow agent. Scott also has a plan for Haley, only he wants to use her to bring Eichmeyer down.
Elle flatly refuses. She hasn't been on the run all this time to keep Haley clear of Eichmeyer's manipulations only to let Scott use her instead. But Haley has other ideas, and when a last-chance meeting between Elle and James goes down the drain, Haley takes matters into her own hands. Elle finds her daughter gone, with only a note that since the adults can't solve this, Haley will put Scott's plan into play herself.
Frantic for her daughter's safety, Elle has no choice but to work with Scott after all. The fastest way for Elle to follow Haley into Eichmeyer's compound is to turn herself in. Eichmeyer pretends to take her back into the fold for James' sake, but he doesn't trust her an inch. Elle has no qualms about deceiving Eichmeyer; lying to James is another matter. And she has to lie to her husband body and soul to maintain her cover; if James were to find out what she's up to, she honestly doesn't know which way he'd jump. Elle uses every trick she knows to try to get evidence against Eichmeyer, but she's watched too closely and trusted too little. The one operational task that she's given -- evaluating whether a long-time source is still reliable -- results in the man's death when Eichmeyer suspects that the source has betrayed him.
Meanwhile, Eichmeyer is starting small, but he's definitely grooming Haley for the first stages of his special indoctrination program. And for all that Elle can tell, Haley may be swallowing it whole. James, who should be Elle's greatest ally in protecting their daughter, doesn't see anything wrong with Haley joining the "family business". After all, it's what he did, as did his father and grandfather, in a tradition going back to the OSS. James is an enthusiastic participant in training Haley, and while his methods smack less of brainwashing than Eichmeyer's do, Elle fears that he's lost sight of the line between reconnecting with his daughter and turning her into the Department's -- or Eichmeyer's -- tool. On a rare family outing, Elle arranges to drop what little information she's gathered for one of Scott's people to collect. But Haley sabotages the drop -- or does she?
Finally driven to confront her daughter directly, Elle discovers Haley's been working a plan of her own. She's been documenting everything Eichmeyer has said and done in her presence, providing a detailed record of his training program from the inside. It's a bold move, and exactly what Scott wanted, but Elle is terrified. If Eichmeyer gets one hint of what Haley's up to, the consequences could be deadly.
Elle insists that Haley stop, promising to redouble her own efforts and assuring the girl that she'll find something to ensure that they never have to worry about Eichmeyer again. But that's a promise Elle finds she can't keep. She just doesn't have enough access to get hold of anything truly incriminating. She finally has to admit that the one person who does is Haley, and even though it's her worst nightmare come to life, Elle is forced to run her own daughter as an asset within Eichmeyer's organization, using the girl to worm her way deeper into Eichmeyer's secrets.
With James' support, Haley finagles her way into a sort of summer internship in the spy trade. James sees it as an opportunity to reconnect with his daughter; Haley sees it as a way to get closer to Eichmeyer's operations, even if it is only via some backlogged routine filing. But she picks up enough for Elle to deduce what's keeping all of Eichmeyer's people so busy: Operation Long Road, a multifarious plan to disrupt insurgent activities in Afghanistan and Pakistan by setting the various local factions at each other's throats. It's a grey area, as far as Departmental approbation is concerned; whether it ultimately meets with praise or condemnation depends more on whether it works than on the methods employed. But if Eichmeyer's crossing so many lines in the process that he's willing to have a suspect source assassinated, it could provide one of several nails for his coffin.
Haley also finds hospital records for a name Elle asked her to look for. Petersen was one of Eichmeyer's earlier trainees in his special program. Elle helped recruit him; she also helped retrieve him, a broken psychological wreck, when his deep-cover mission went horribly wrong. Petersen's destruction, not at the hands of the enemy, but before he ever encountered them, under Eichmeyer's indoctrination, was the final straw that set Elle against her boss and ultimately led to her going on the run to keep Haley from suffering a similar fate.
When Eichmeyer pries loose an afternoon to take Haley on a training exercise, Elle invites herself along, using the excursion to pass what she's learned to Scott's people. And using James, despite her desperate desire otherwise, to get the freedom of movement necessary to do it. But the information she and Haley have gathered isn't enough, and at the rate it's going, it'll take months, if not years, to amass sufficient evidence to end Eichmeyer's career. Elle's not about to leave Haley exposed to Eichmeyer's influence for that long; instead, she decides to make one final gamble, and break into Eichmeyer's private office. If she gets caught, it'll be the end of any chance of infiltrating further (and possibly the end of Elle), but if the man has damning records anywhere, it'll be on the personal computer he keeps locked up tight in there.
Unfortunately, it's not a one-person job; Elle has to use Haley again, this time to create a distraction so Elle can break into the office unobserved. When both Eichmeyer and James leave to meet a key agent at the airport, it seems like the perfect opportunity. But when the agent doesn't show and the two men return early, Elle has to abort in mid-attempt. Leaving Haley to lock the just-picked office door while she delays Eichmeyer, Elle is horrified to realize that the girl hasn't cleared out -- she's slipped into the office to try to finish the job. It's too late to stop Eichmeyer; by the time Elle reaches the office again, he's caught Haley red-handed. When Haley tries to make a break for it, Eichmeyer grabs her and draws a knife, holding Elle at bay. It looks like all is lost, but then James appears -- and he's brought a gun to the knife fight, literally.
Eichmeyer argues that Haley was betraying them, but James doesn't care; any secrets that require holding his daughter at knife-point aren't worth protecting. The stand-off almost collapses in Eichmeyer's favor when one of his security people slips in through a side door, but Elle strikes before he can interfere, leaving him a moaning pile on the floor. Eichmeyer finally recognizes that James, loyal myrmidon though he might be, has stronger loyalties to his family, and lets the knife fall. Elle and Haley call in Scott and his team, who take custody of Eichmeyer and begin the long process of cleaning house.
A few days later, Scott, newly-promoted, tells Elle that he will arrange for her to return to her old job. He also assures her that he won't be pushing his clean-up efforts beyond the bounds necessary to remove Eichmeyer -- such as looking too closely at James and his past deeds. Elle pries her husband loose from the administrative avalanche left in Eichmeyer's wake, and now that she's finally able to be honest with him about what's been going on, they begin the long but welcome work of putting their relationship and their family back together.
ETA: I would have thought this was self-evident, but evidently not: I'm looking for constructive criticism here. That does not have to be positive. However, if you don't like the genre and can't get past that to evaluate an individual instance of it, it's probably safe to assume that yours are not the comments I'm looking for.
Despite that, I'm going ahead and posting the synopsis. For the uninitiated, a synopsis is like the query-blurb's big brother. It's longer (opinions vary on how much so), more detailed, and does spoil the ending. There are several uses for a synopsis; one of the more common is to show whether an author can sustain a story through to a satisfying ending. (Sample pages, when submitted, are always from the beginning of the book; many writers can make an interesting start, but drop the ball before they get to the end.)
So, with spoiler warnings for an as-yet-unpublished novel, I'd love to hear what you think of this. Does it sound interesting? What's your impression of the characters? Does the plot sound like it holds up all the way to the end? What bits make you say "Cool!" -- or "WTF?" In short, would you read this book?
Elle Davis used to be an intelligence agent; now she's on the run from her own agency. For the past two years, she and her fourteen-year-old daughter Haley have been scrambling to stay one step ahead of Elle's former boss, Karl Eichmeyer. For all his unrelenting pursuit, Elle's just an inconvenient obstacle in Eichmeyer's view; it's Haley he's really after. Eichmeyer has a plan to create the perfect agent: skilled, focused, and utterly loyal, both to the Department and to Eichmeyer personally. And Haley, as the child of two top agents, is the ideal subject to prove his program a success.
Elle's seen the results of Eichmeyer's "special" training before: promising young agents ruined, burned out... and in at least one case, broken beyond repair. Her conclusion is that his scheme is an abomination, far more brainwashing than training; Eichmeyer's conclusion is that he needs to get hold of his trainees younger -- hence Haley.
After twenty-odd years in the spy trade, Elle knows how to deal with everything from traffic cameras to armed attackers, but Eichmeyer has a weapon that's a lot harder for her to fight; Elle's husband James is also Eichmeyer's right-hand man. Not only is Elle still very much in love with her husband, but after years of field work together, they each know how the other thinks and can predict each other's moves; indeed, that's saved their lives more than once. So working against Eichmeyer means working against James, and forces Elle to constantly second-guess herself. And every move only serves to remind her that she and James are on opposite sides in this, when they've always stood together in the past.
When an informant warns Elle that Eichmeyer's people are closing in, she and Haley hit the road just minutes ahead of pursuit. Despite Elle's best efforts, they're run to ground -- but it's James they come face to face with. He claims he just wants to talk, convinced that they can sort this out if they only work together. Elle knows better; it's not like she didn't try to talk sense to him for months before she resorted to taking off with their daughter. But before they can get enmeshed in all the old arguments all over again, Eichmeyer reveals himself and makes a grab for Haley. Mother and daughter barely escape, tearing out of town with Elle looking over her shoulder every minute.
Elle's skilled at flying under the radar, but it's hard work, and she's been doing it for two years without a break. So maybe it's bad luck when they're spotted again, or maybe she's just tired enough to make mistakes. But this time, it's not Eichmeyer or James who confronts them; it's Scott Dressler, an old friend and fellow agent. Scott also has a plan for Haley, only he wants to use her to bring Eichmeyer down.
Elle flatly refuses. She hasn't been on the run all this time to keep Haley clear of Eichmeyer's manipulations only to let Scott use her instead. But Haley has other ideas, and when a last-chance meeting between Elle and James goes down the drain, Haley takes matters into her own hands. Elle finds her daughter gone, with only a note that since the adults can't solve this, Haley will put Scott's plan into play herself.
Frantic for her daughter's safety, Elle has no choice but to work with Scott after all. The fastest way for Elle to follow Haley into Eichmeyer's compound is to turn herself in. Eichmeyer pretends to take her back into the fold for James' sake, but he doesn't trust her an inch. Elle has no qualms about deceiving Eichmeyer; lying to James is another matter. And she has to lie to her husband body and soul to maintain her cover; if James were to find out what she's up to, she honestly doesn't know which way he'd jump. Elle uses every trick she knows to try to get evidence against Eichmeyer, but she's watched too closely and trusted too little. The one operational task that she's given -- evaluating whether a long-time source is still reliable -- results in the man's death when Eichmeyer suspects that the source has betrayed him.
Meanwhile, Eichmeyer is starting small, but he's definitely grooming Haley for the first stages of his special indoctrination program. And for all that Elle can tell, Haley may be swallowing it whole. James, who should be Elle's greatest ally in protecting their daughter, doesn't see anything wrong with Haley joining the "family business". After all, it's what he did, as did his father and grandfather, in a tradition going back to the OSS. James is an enthusiastic participant in training Haley, and while his methods smack less of brainwashing than Eichmeyer's do, Elle fears that he's lost sight of the line between reconnecting with his daughter and turning her into the Department's -- or Eichmeyer's -- tool. On a rare family outing, Elle arranges to drop what little information she's gathered for one of Scott's people to collect. But Haley sabotages the drop -- or does she?
Finally driven to confront her daughter directly, Elle discovers Haley's been working a plan of her own. She's been documenting everything Eichmeyer has said and done in her presence, providing a detailed record of his training program from the inside. It's a bold move, and exactly what Scott wanted, but Elle is terrified. If Eichmeyer gets one hint of what Haley's up to, the consequences could be deadly.
Elle insists that Haley stop, promising to redouble her own efforts and assuring the girl that she'll find something to ensure that they never have to worry about Eichmeyer again. But that's a promise Elle finds she can't keep. She just doesn't have enough access to get hold of anything truly incriminating. She finally has to admit that the one person who does is Haley, and even though it's her worst nightmare come to life, Elle is forced to run her own daughter as an asset within Eichmeyer's organization, using the girl to worm her way deeper into Eichmeyer's secrets.
With James' support, Haley finagles her way into a sort of summer internship in the spy trade. James sees it as an opportunity to reconnect with his daughter; Haley sees it as a way to get closer to Eichmeyer's operations, even if it is only via some backlogged routine filing. But she picks up enough for Elle to deduce what's keeping all of Eichmeyer's people so busy: Operation Long Road, a multifarious plan to disrupt insurgent activities in Afghanistan and Pakistan by setting the various local factions at each other's throats. It's a grey area, as far as Departmental approbation is concerned; whether it ultimately meets with praise or condemnation depends more on whether it works than on the methods employed. But if Eichmeyer's crossing so many lines in the process that he's willing to have a suspect source assassinated, it could provide one of several nails for his coffin.
Haley also finds hospital records for a name Elle asked her to look for. Petersen was one of Eichmeyer's earlier trainees in his special program. Elle helped recruit him; she also helped retrieve him, a broken psychological wreck, when his deep-cover mission went horribly wrong. Petersen's destruction, not at the hands of the enemy, but before he ever encountered them, under Eichmeyer's indoctrination, was the final straw that set Elle against her boss and ultimately led to her going on the run to keep Haley from suffering a similar fate.
When Eichmeyer pries loose an afternoon to take Haley on a training exercise, Elle invites herself along, using the excursion to pass what she's learned to Scott's people. And using James, despite her desperate desire otherwise, to get the freedom of movement necessary to do it. But the information she and Haley have gathered isn't enough, and at the rate it's going, it'll take months, if not years, to amass sufficient evidence to end Eichmeyer's career. Elle's not about to leave Haley exposed to Eichmeyer's influence for that long; instead, she decides to make one final gamble, and break into Eichmeyer's private office. If she gets caught, it'll be the end of any chance of infiltrating further (and possibly the end of Elle), but if the man has damning records anywhere, it'll be on the personal computer he keeps locked up tight in there.
Unfortunately, it's not a one-person job; Elle has to use Haley again, this time to create a distraction so Elle can break into the office unobserved. When both Eichmeyer and James leave to meet a key agent at the airport, it seems like the perfect opportunity. But when the agent doesn't show and the two men return early, Elle has to abort in mid-attempt. Leaving Haley to lock the just-picked office door while she delays Eichmeyer, Elle is horrified to realize that the girl hasn't cleared out -- she's slipped into the office to try to finish the job. It's too late to stop Eichmeyer; by the time Elle reaches the office again, he's caught Haley red-handed. When Haley tries to make a break for it, Eichmeyer grabs her and draws a knife, holding Elle at bay. It looks like all is lost, but then James appears -- and he's brought a gun to the knife fight, literally.
Eichmeyer argues that Haley was betraying them, but James doesn't care; any secrets that require holding his daughter at knife-point aren't worth protecting. The stand-off almost collapses in Eichmeyer's favor when one of his security people slips in through a side door, but Elle strikes before he can interfere, leaving him a moaning pile on the floor. Eichmeyer finally recognizes that James, loyal myrmidon though he might be, has stronger loyalties to his family, and lets the knife fall. Elle and Haley call in Scott and his team, who take custody of Eichmeyer and begin the long process of cleaning house.
A few days later, Scott, newly-promoted, tells Elle that he will arrange for her to return to her old job. He also assures her that he won't be pushing his clean-up efforts beyond the bounds necessary to remove Eichmeyer -- such as looking too closely at James and his past deeds. Elle pries her husband loose from the administrative avalanche left in Eichmeyer's wake, and now that she's finally able to be honest with him about what's been going on, they begin the long but welcome work of putting their relationship and their family back together.
ETA: I would have thought this was self-evident, but evidently not: I'm looking for constructive criticism here. That does not have to be positive. However, if you don't like the genre and can't get past that to evaluate an individual instance of it, it's probably safe to assume that yours are not the comments I'm looking for.
